Can You Change?




We can all see certain things in ourselves we would like to change: habits, behaviors, ways we do things or how we respond to life. Why do we get stuck doing the same things over and over again? Why do we let ourselves be a certain way, for that is what this is about. We are allowing our habits, our behaviors and our responses to be there by choice.


We are not stuck with our issues and behaviors. They do not control us or how we act. When we disassociate ourselves from our issues, we are giving away our own power to alter ourselves and change for the better.


If we look at the world in a certain way, then that is how we relate to it. If we change our view, then the way we relate to the world also changes. The same can be said for ourselves. How we see ourselves, including the parts we feel we have no control over, is in essence how we are choosing to live.


Our perception that change is something we cannot do, that we cannot get better or even feel differently is a choice. We are choosing to continue to feel a certain way. Why? Because that is what we have done and we have decided this is who we are, that this is the world we live in, and therefore how we associate with it. But by making these choices we are causing ourselves to be completely stagnant, eliminating the possibility of change.


Right now, we all have the choice to let go of something we feel we are stuck with. We have the ability to change even the smallest detail of how we see the world and ourselves. Perhaps by starting small we can then see the bigger picture. That it is actually possible to change something big in ourselves. We can see that change is an ability we can foster and give ourselves the strength and possibility to do so.


We make choices constantly in our daily lives. We choose when to wake up, eat, go to work and how we relate to everything, including ourselves. We choose to see ourselves without the ability to change, just as we choose what and when to eat. However, the reality is that we are not stuck. We are simply choosing to struggle over an issue. We are choosing to see that it is not possible to really change it.


It is the decision we make, even though you may not be fully aware of making and holding onto this choice, that keeps the unwanted behavior, outlook, issue, etc. a part of our life, often in a very permanent way, often until we die. And we see others, almost everyone if not everyone we know, including our parents and friends, hold onto the outlook that people don't really change. That you can only really control or maintain parts of yourself that you don't like.


This outlook goes into many directions and areas in our lives. We look at our weaknesses and faults as a permanent part of ourselves. An example is that someone told you that you were shy as a child. You accepted this observation since you were just a child and you trusted their opinion. You then chose to exhibit more of this behavior because that is how you think you are. More people tell you that your shy and it becomes a more prominent part of your life. You battle with shyness as an adult. Sometimes wishing you could get out there and be more involved in life. If only you weren't such a shy person. Obviously, this decision that you are shy could be something else like you have a temper, that you are clumsy, that you have an issue with food, or that you are stupid. The list is almost endless. What if the person that told you that you were shy only saw a momentary behavior in you.


If you felt shy a few times as a child, does that mean you are a shy person? Can you see that it was just a simple choice you made to think of yourself in certain way. You made the choice to believe it and hold onto it. Why would it be impossible to choose to let it go? Can choices only be made once and are then permanent? Do choices really hold power over us or are we in charge of our choices?


These choices we make about ourselves aren't of course always related to what someone told us when we were a child. These choices can be made from our own ideas and at different times in our lives. The important thing is that we can choose to let go of them just as easily as we chose to make them. We just have to see it as our choice. Once you understand that you initially made the choice yourself, then you will understand that you can choose to let go of it. You really need to see that you are the one who is deciding everything about yourself. It is easier to blame someone or something else, that is what almost everyone does isn't it? But don't you want something better for yourself, to live without believing something about yourself or life that isn't true? What if you weren't really an angry person, you just have told yourself that you were for almost your whole life. What if you are really a relaxed and easy-going person living as someone you are not. This internal conflict caused by believing something about yourself that isn't true can affect many areas of your life and cause many other behaviors to form. It is kind of like reinforcing your idea in a way. You are creating evidence to support your decision. However, all of this leads to feeling like something is wrong with you, that something isn't right, that you are constantly at battle with yourself. Because deep deep down you feel like you aren't really like this. It doesn't truly make sense to you.


It is a good idea to look at your idea of who you are and question how much of yourself have you attributed to genetics and how much of your perception of yourself came from modeling your family members at a young age. We don't want to mistakenly assume a behavior is genetic. Do you really think that you were born with a temper? That your tendency to lose control and scream insults at someone is part of your DNA? What if it came from a behavior you saw as a young child. If you love your father and look up to him, then his behaviors could easily alter your perception about yourself and how you should be. That is obvious. But sometimes seeing what behavioral patterns you chose to adopt as a child isn't always that clear. Sometimes you made a choice so early on that it seems like that is how it has always been.


To see what is really you and what is a result of a decision about yourself, you must look with complete honesty at yourself. You can look deeper into what is really going on than you may realize. Just try it. Be patient and look deeply at what is troubling you. Has it always been there or do you remember a time when it wasn't there? Really think about it. You may be surprised how far you can go back and remember. Do you remember people telling you that you were a certain way? Did what they said feel absolutely true or did you just assume that they were right? It is sad that some people don't realize the power their words have on children. They may just be making a casual remark, but a child often takes it too seriously and it affects them deeply. But fortunately we can become aware of what is real about ourselves and what was formed from incorrect assumptions.


We are all meant to live in happiness and peace, and have the ability to do so. No matter how far we feel we are from this. If you can see that you are causing yourself to hold onto an issue, that you are the one keeping yourself from changing, then you can change. If you have the possibility to make your own choices, which choice do you make? You most likely would choose something that helps you and makes you happy. This is the same thing. Believe that you have the choice to change, to alter how you feel, to simply be different in your own life. You can do this. Again, you made the choice to be stuck, to feel like you couldn't change, and you can just as easily change by making a different choice.


We have control over ourselves because we have the choice in how we feel, act, and live. We think somehow something else has control over us, that we can't control how we are or change on a deeper level. It is our life, we are living it and whether we are aware of it our not we are constantly choosing how and who we are. Nothing else is in control of us, not our emotions, our thoughts or our reactions. They are all personal choices. By seeing that nothing is out of our grasp, that we are in charge of ourselves and our actions, we can then see that change is natural because we allow it to be. We adapt to our lives, react differently, and feel better. When we stop believing this, we stop changing.


Change is natural; the world is constantly changing and we can too. Whatever issue you have, whatever you feel you are stuck with, believe that you put it there, that you decided that this is how you would be. And just as easily it can and will go away. Believe you can do this because everything is a choice. We can just as easily choose to struggle with this very idea. We can think that this might not work or that it sounds hard. But we can and are choosing right now how we are going to relate to this idea. We can choose to believe it will work and that our choices make a difference.


We are in control of our reactions, feelings, and thoughts. We are constantly choosing how to relate to everything including ourselves. We can respond with struggle to life or we can choose not to. We can choose to change as well. So many choices and yet so many of us are not happy. Believe you can change and that you can also choose to be the best you because who you are right now is based off choices you already made.


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