Control Issues




How we relate to the world has a lot to do with our happiness. When we try to control the things around us, we are failing to relate in a way that allows us be happy and at peace within our own lives. We do this in many ways. Very few of us don’t, for whether or not you think you have a problem with control, there usually is a part of you that needs it. Some of us have a larger issue with the need, but most of us live with the idea that we can, in some small way, control what happens around us. In fact, we take pleasure in what we can control and in what we can make happen for ourselves.


There is a deep satisfaction in being in control, but what we do not see is that underneath this feeling, there is the desire and the need for even more control. Whether it is a small task that we accomplish or something on a bigger scale, if we feel we are in control, then we believe our life is as it should be. We believe we are safe and can manage everything in our lives when we have control over it. The one fault in this is that we cannot control.


If we had control over our lives and could make it be just as we wanted, wouldn’t we all be enormously happy? Would we feel struggle, feel overwhelmed, or feel any emotional heartache at all if we truly did have control? There is no balance to be found in believing one can control anything. Sure you can make something happen, but as soon as you are done, do you still maintain control over what you just did or have you lost it? It is the idea that we keep maintaining control over something that also causes us trouble. The conflict lies not only in the process of trying to exert control, but in the idea that we still have it. There is no control to be had-- not at the beginning, in the middle, or in the end of anything we do.


Control is almost like a safety mechanism. We use it to feel better about our lives; we use it to maintain a sense of being at ease within our own lives because we have control over it. However, nothing is ever within our complete control. We may set about to wash the dishes and find we are out of soap and we have no of getting any more at the moment. Now our task is unfulfilled, for we cannot control that there is no soap. We cannot make it be different. Instead, we must accept it and move on. I know this seems simple, small, and unimportant, but it can set off larger issues. In the attempt to fulfill our desire to take care of the dishes, we have lost a bit of control over what we wanted to do. Now in the following state, we will look for something else that we can control to make ourselves feel better; we almost unconsciously do this. If the next act cannot fulfill our needs, this desire strengthens until we are seeking further and further to comfort ourselves. The one small task of doing dishes has amplified into something bigger and more unobtainable.


Without acceptance of what we cannot control, we are forever seeking to control. What we can control is mute, for there is nothing we truly have control over in our lives. We can keep on convincing ourselves we do, and in the process are forever searching for the one thing that will make us feel better. Unfortunately, this cycle lends itself to inner disharmony and a lack of satisfaction in our lives, for if we demand control over our lives, we will never find it. If our comfort relies on what we can control, we will never feel at peace. Control is nonexistent within our reality. The more power we give the idea, the stronger the need becomes.


It comes down to being aware of how much we seek to control and why we need it. It can almost be so deeply rooted that our behavior is constantly a reflection of this need in our lives. By letting go, for it is a choice, and instead accepting what life is, how it is, and what is happening ,you can further yourself from the desire and the need for things to be a certain way. Control only feeds upon control, and by letting go, you are accepting your life, the world, and everything around you. Control will fade as you let it go and happiness will come into your life to replace it.


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