Getting Past Regret and Failure




We all know what it is like to fail at something, to wish we could change what happened, to redo what we did. But often this is not the case, we are stuck with our past, at least with what we have done. Now here is the important part, what was is over. What happened ceases to exist as soon as you let it go. For many of us this is impossible. We lack the ability to forgive ourselves and to release what was. We think the longer we hold onto something and regret it, the more we can change it. That by thinking about it, we can alter what was. This of course isn't the case, and we probably don't realize this is what we are doing. But by not letting go of our regrets and failures, we are hoping to erase or change what was. We all wish we could have a redo for some part of our lives. But by holding onto those moments, we are not only constantly reliving them, we are also damaging our being with such negative thoughts.


Mistakes happen; sometimes we lose what we want, or behave in a way we know we shouldn't have. These things happen, and the sooner we let it go, the sooner we can change for the better, for our regrets keep us seeing ourselves in the same way. That if we are capable of certain things, we must be bad, or not good enough; therefore, that is who we are. That if we failed at one thing, this thing we are holding onto, we can expect it to happen again. So much is tied into how we see ourselves and our past. That is why the sooner we let go of what happened to us in our lives, the sooner we become as we are meant to be. We cannot drag around failures to relive and regret; we cannot spend our moments reliving what was. This only makes us feel worse. This we know, and yet we keep doing it.


One really good method to change this behavior is to really look at what it is you have been focusing on in your past. Really see it for what it is, not just the part of it you see as wrong, but all of it. We often only look at part of the problem, and not the whole picture. Our choices of what we remember do not always tell the whole story. So if you can spread out your focus, bringing it to all that surrounded that event, what do you see? How do you see yourself in that moment from your past? How do you feel about yourself and what you did? Remember, take into account all actions, behaviors, and people that surrounded this moment; look at all of it. Now most importantly, look at how you feel right now as you are doing this. What does this bring up in you? It is probably not just regret or the feeling of failure, but something else, and this can tell you what it is you really need to look at.


We often hold onto things that are not only important to us, but are also triggers that reflect how we feel today. If we are lacking something in ourselves or feeling something in particular, whatever memory correlates to this feeling, we then tend to focus on it. It is our way of dealing with something we don't want to look at. And this is easy to understand if we really look at how this memory makes us feel, beyond the expected emotions. Because if you think about it, how often have you failed or regretted something you have done? Probably a few more times than you remember, and yet those moments you have let go of, why? Because in those moments you were feeling okay about what happened, and they do not remind you of what you are feeling now. So the sooner you realize what it is you are really trying to deal with by remembering these certain moments, the sooner you can really let go of not only this feeling but of that memory. You can stop replaying it in your mind and let it go. Think of it as a way to really see yourself now, in this moment.


If you tend to focus on something from your past, look at how it really makes you feel, beyond the obvious. For we like to tag certain memories with emotions, and recall them up with the memory. It is like we are giving the memory itself an emotion. But what we don't really realize is that beyond the emotion we've tagged to it, we are feeling something else too. You will find all of the memories you are focusing on have a correlation. They are similar because that is what you need to work on in your life right now. So this is not just about dealing with regret or failure in your life, but of understanding yourself today. Our memories can help us, especially if we can get to the stage of letting go of the ones we need to. If we can understand how we are trying to help ourselves, we can grow and change.


Memories can be a tool to self improvement and growth. So the next time you find yourself reliving a part of your past, a part that doesn't make you feel good, look beyond the base emotion and listen to what you are really feeling. What does this memory really bring up in you? And then look at yourself today, does it correlate with how you have been feeling? There are patterns to how we use memories in our lives. We don't always focus on them, but when you do, try to listen to how it may reflect on how you are feeling today. For it does correlate and resemble how you are feeling and what you are going through in the present. When we realize this, our memories, and our focus on them ceases because we have learned what we needed to learn. We have seen what was important in that memory, and we can then let it go.


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