How To Fit In

We all want to be part of something bigger and to feel connected. We want to matter to others and to feel like we are important and that we belong. We want to be part of a community and to have others want us and need us. But we may exist in a world where sometimes we do not feel like we fit in or that we matter. We look for friendship because we all desire to be connected. We desire to be part of something so that we are not alone. This is such a great desire that sometimes we alter who we are in order to fulfill it; we change our behavior so that the group we seek to be part of will accept us.

We may dress, talk, or act differently so that we are accepted. We want to fit in so we change ourselves so that we can. The idea behind fitting in leads one to think that we must be different in order to merge with others; we must alter who we are so that others accept us. The problem with this outlook is that the world then becomes full of people changing who they are to fit in. The group gains an identity and the individual loses theirs, those that don’t want to change become loners or the leaders of their own group. When we change ourselves to fit in, we lose who we are. We give up something to gain something else, but is it worth it? Are we making a mistake by losing our true selves in order to become part of a larger identity? Existing in a world where we think this is necessary is prone to make us very unhappy because when we act or pretend to be different, we are not living as ourselves and we will feel this. If we can be ourselves and belong, we will be truly happy. We will feel like we really belong when we are in a group that fits us and who we are.

You can fit in somewhere when you live as your real self. Do not give up anything in order to become part something else, for you will only be living inside of a group that is full of others who have done the same because groups are formed by others needing to belong. Let yourself be your own group and invite others to join you by accepting them as they are. Be as open as you can be when meeting others, and let them speak and act as they would normally. Require nothing of them so that they feel the acceptance in you. When you relate to others this way, you will form strong bonds that will last, for neither of you is pretending or trying to be anything different than you are. When we can relax and be our true selves, we are more likely to stay and keep the friendship, for it doesn’t require us to be different than who we are.

Engage with others as your real self, and let the ones who stay with you do the same. Do not pretend so that you can fit in. Instead, live your own life and let others join you. Live with your interests and happiness in mind. Do what makes you happy and find others while doing it. Don’t go to places or events that do not fit you in order to find friends. Neither person should have to change to become friends with someone else. We should be open, accepting, and giving when it comes to others. In addition, who we are is just as important as who others need to be. Connect by living as you and you will find you fit in no matter what.

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