Relating To People When You’ve Changed




In life, as we grow and change we may find old relationships do not grow with us. People may keep relating to us as if we were still the same person we were in the past and not by who we are now. How can you relate to people from your past so that they can see you for who you are now? First, you must try to see them for who they are now because maybe they have changed too. One of the biggest obstacles in a relationship can be how we see each other. We may assume that others are the same, even when we have changed.


It is very easy to get locked into patterns and ways of being with each other, especially with old relationships because we have such a long history to relate to. We need to constantly be aware of who we are and who this other person is now. We need to be in the moment with them, without pulling up the past in order to relate to them. Can you see an old friend as new, even though you have known them forever? Can you talk with them in a new way, even though there may be set patterns? If we are different, then perhaps they are also, but have been relating to us in the same way because it is easier. When we change, we need to realize others may have as well.


Part of changing is seeing the world differently and gaining a new perspective on life. We can transfer this clarity to the people around us as well. How others act and behave towards us may only be part of how the relationship has been established; perhaps the way we relate with one another can change. Of course, this may not always be the case, for others may still be existing as they were. Are there changes they may have undergone or do they really seem the same? If underneath it all they do not feel different and do not see the difference in you, this can feel very hard, for who you are now is different and you are no longer the same person they once knew. When this happens, do not change back into who you once were so that the old relationship can stay as it was. Do not revert to your old self because then you will be living an old relationship instead of living as who you are now. Try to be who you are without altering yourself. The relationship can make room for the changes or it may be stagnant and unable to change with you. Even if the relationship is important, it is just as important for you to be who you really are. Maintain who you are now so that the other person can see, feel, and hear who you have become.


Let your true self be in the relationship and know that often it just takes time for the relationship to change with you. If you let yourself revert back to who you were with this other person, you will never know if the relationship can become part of the new you or should stay in your past. The most important thing to remember is not to change in order to feel comfortable, but to continue to be the person you have become. Try to look at this other person in a new way so that you can see if they have changed too. By being your true self and being aware, the relationship can be different and you may realize others have changed with you.


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