Struggle In Relationships




Struggle within a relationship exists when we are not seeing each other clearly. Instead, we are seeing each other from our own perspective and not one that is true. We are relating from either an emotional place or from a place which is based on our thoughts. We are not present or seeing one another as we truly are, and therefore the conflict arises. If we were present, without thoughts construing our ideas or emotions triggering how we feel, we would be clear enough to see each other as we really are.


How we relate to each other has a lot to do with what we see, feel, and think of the other person. If we are not fully present with them in that moment, then we are coming from a place that is not real; we are relating from past experiences, old emotions, or patterns already existing within our relationship. In the past, it may have been a rarity to have engaged with this other person without our memories or our past influencing our interactions. We may even be having the same argument and experiencing the same distress that has already occurred before because we are relating to each other from the past.


When we let go of how we see the other person and instead relate to them in the present, the struggle goes away. If we can see them for who they are, without our minds or emotions disturbing our behavior, we will interact from a place that is clear. How we see or feel about the other person may be coming from a place that is old. There can be a trigger that sets off a memory within us and we respond from this place, even if it conflicts with the present. If we let go of old memories and feelings and instead relate to the person as they are now, we can feel, understand, and see them better. The clearer we are, the easier we can relate to them. The more present and engaged we are in the moment, the less we tend to go back to old struggles in the relationship.


If you can remind yourself to stay present and engaged the next time a conflict arises, you will be able to respond from a clear place. If you are clear, then what you will see of the situation will be different and you will be able to respond and resolve the matter differently than you would have before. Often we develop set patterns and responses to each other, even when the moment or issue has completely changed. Without resorting back to your old patterns, you can see the moment at hand as it really is. Really try to see the other person as new, as someone that is different and has changed, and perhaps you can respond from a new place as well.


By letting yourself stay present with the real issue at hand, you will be opening up the possibility for a new response from the other person as well. If one is not locked into the old behavior, it opens the door for the other person to respond differently. Real change occurs when we let go and are present. We also need to be present and clear so that we can hear what is really being said, instead of hearing it and relating it to the past. If we are present emotionally, then how we feel with this other person is not overreaction related to how we used to feel. If we are engaged in the moment with them, then we will understand what is really happening and be able to help each other through the problem. Struggle can cease if we let it, for it is only an old behavior.


When we are open and present, the struggle ceases to be, for we can truly see and understand what is happening without our perceptions changing and filtering the truth of what is real. Keep yourself present when there is a struggle and let yourself stay where you are, instead of reverting back to your past and the old struggles from before. Try to feel, see, and think about what is happening now with this other person, and perhaps you can change how you relate. Let yourself let go of old patterns before you respond so that you can come a place that is present. The more open and clear you are, the more able you are to let go of struggle in the relationship.


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