Understanding Family Members




Our families are a tight unit of interrelationships that are under constant development. When we realize this and see it for what it is, we can better accept the changes and have better insight into those we love. When we relate to someone as if we are in the past, with old habits and ideas, we have conformed our relationship with them into something that is not real.


We must understand that we are always changing; this includes our perceptions, our reality, and how we see each other. When we hold onto this other person in the family as being the same as they once were, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and struggle. When we accept and see that we all change, grow, and adapt to each other, we are better suited to relate to one another.


Children change rapidly, not only in thought, but in how they relate to their parents. Sometimes we as parents have a hard time seeing a child as a person, capable of change and allowing our relationship to grow with them. We tend to relate from an old idea of who they once were. Who we are is constantly changing, so it is best to confront our static approach and to see these people around us as constantly new and under development. By doing so we give them the freedom to be who they are. We also allow ourselves to become who we really are within the relationship. No one is stuck with a certain behavior because everyone always changes. It is how we look at each other, approach each other, and relate with each other that keeps it in stasis.


When we are faced with challenging behavior within the family, we want to control it in order to change it. Sometimes by manifesting control over something we are containing it, and thus prolonging it. When it comes to children it is important to remember change is prominent; behavior never ceases to change at one point. We can keep the behavior locked in by relating in only one way, by seeing them as they were and not as they are. By being open, by seeing our family members as constantly new, we allow ourselves to not only see the truth in them, but we allow ourselves to adapt as well. Struggle is not a necessary word for the family. Again, it is perception and not reality that keeps the strain in the family. Allow your family unit to grow and to change by accepting this as possible, by giving it room and letting it be. In addition, open yourself up to who you are and all the changes you have made in your life. See yourself for who you are and then you can also see your family for all they have become.


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