Why Do We Get Frustrated or Mad?




What do we do if we dislike something? How do we respond to events or persons that we do not like? Do we let it go and move on, do we work with it, or do we let it fester? Often, when we have decided that there is something we don't like, we look for it everywhere; we see it all over, and justify our distaste. Why? Because we realize that if we don't like something, but we find it everywhere, then we have something to fight and work against. In a way, we like this, we even seek this out, for if there where nothing out there, whether it is a person or event that we don't like, then what would we do with ourselves. How would we then justify our anger, our distaste towards life, or even the simple grumpiness that we may have? We must have a reason, and it is much better if it is someones else's fault, or if it is a problem with anything other than us. So yes, it originates back to us, and who we are, and what we are doing, as it all does in the end.


Of course, this doesn't mean to say that we can't dislike things, but the question is how much do we let it get under our skin? Does it override our happiness; does it have a sense of control over us? If when we think about it, does it make us feel different? Are we then using this dislike of something to feel this way, to release how we are really feeling. For if it is only a passing thought, like I didn't like that or that person was annoying, and you then get on with your life, then yes, perhaps you just didn't like it or them. But if you find yourself overreacting or focusing on it or them more than you should, then you may need to look at the underlying reason for the emotion you are experiencing. Let's say there is one person in particular you don't get along with; you find yourself thinking about them and feeling that frustration or anger that goes along with it. Now, I want you to really look at the way you feel and from an outside perspective; seriously ask yourself if your feelings are truly justified in this case. Does the way you feel really reflect what is going on with this other person? Or have you overblown what is real so that you can feel the way you want to feel? Which is anger, frustration, or any emotion that settles into you when you focus on what you do not like in life, in others, or even the moment you are in.


We sometimes want to experience these feelings, and someone or life itself gives us the opportunity to see and feel what is really going on on the inside. When these feeling arise, we must look at why, but also note that it is not all based on outside sources. Anger stems from not knowing what we really need, want, or desire in the moment. It comes out because we lack our own understanding of the moment. We don't see what we need to feel better, and we then get angry about it. Whether we direct it outwards or keep it inside, it is still there, festering and, in a sense, not containable. This is where we look for reasons why we feel this way; this is where we seek justice for our emotional instability. We blame, we get mad at things, just so we can release how we feel. Usually, we tend to feel a little better from the venting that we have done. We have released the pressure, so to say, and yes, we do feel better. But not really, because the reason for the pressure is still there and deep down we still don't feel well. And the pressure will build up again.


So what do we do when we feel this way, when we find ourselves angry or fed up with others or life? We need to seek what it is we really want or need in the moment. Sometimes we are pushing ourselves too hard, exhausted emotionally or mentally, and just need to give ourselves a break. We need to honer what we need. Instead of bottling up frustration, we need to listen to what is going on inside of ourselves before we build up to a point where the only solution is expressing anger. Every desire has a starting point; every need has a beginning. The beginning is usually just ignored. So the next time you feel frustrated, angry, or are about to get upset, look at how you really feel. Have you been listening to yourself or ignoring what you need? Perhaps you are really tired, hungry, overexcited, sad, lonely, or maybe there is something else. Whatever the reason, listen to it; honor yourself by paying attention to it.


Lacking an understanding of ourself leads to an imbalance in our outer life. When we are complete, so to say, then the outside world tends to not fluster us. Because we are balanced within. Think of it this way, if we listened to ourselves, cared for ourselves as much as we do about other things, we would be a lot happier. Perhaps if we didn't put ourselves second so often, or if at least we paid attention to our own needs, the world would feel less obtrusive and hard. When we are fighting with the world, it is our inner world that is in turmoil. This is not just about needs, but about what may have been ignored for a really long time as well. Perhaps it is an old issue, a problem you have had, but have chosen to ignore. How we deal with ourselves, how we look at ourselves, has a lot to do with how we experience life. If we honor our needs, take care of our own issues, if we deal with ourselves first and foremost, then life itself can become the backdrop to our life and not the other way around. We are the center of our lives; we just forget and grew accustomed to putting ourselves last, to paying more attention to what is going on out there than what is happening on the inside.


If you take the time to readjust your sights, to every once in a while check in on yourself and see how you are doing, perhaps you will find that what was once hard to deal with, whether it was a person or event, no longer bothers you. You may even find that your tolerance for such things goes through the roof. Because you are balanced within, the outside will begin to take on the same appearance. We are like the pebble thrown in the pond, our ripples are our existence with our life and within ourselves. They reflect and resonate with each other. When we look closely at ourselves, when we pay attention to how we are feeling, life does get easier; it balances out. So if you are feeling frustrated with someone, if you have had enough with what is going on, or you just feel on edge, do not look to blame. Instead, look inside; stop paying attention to everything else, and just give yourself a moment to see what is going on inside of you. What do you need, what are you ignoring, and is there anything you can do about it, for yourself.


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