Why You Need To Be In Control




Anxiety in any given moment is a response to feeling out of control. When we feel like we have lost control, we often attempt to regain it. When we fail, we feel a deep loss and our anxiety starts to build. This feeling can be prolonged because of our constant attempt to regain the control we think we had. Living in this state is deeply troubling because nothing ever feels right. There always seems to be one more thing that could help us, something to fix what is wrong, something we need to adjust so that we can feel better. This feeling can be overwhelming. It causes us to feel uneasy, discontented, and lost because we are always looking for something else to make us feel better. In our effort to do so, we try to maintain control over what we can.


We create even more anxiety in ourselves with the constant desire to establish control over our lives and the world around us. We fear losing what control we have, we also fear not having enough control. We may not even realize what this desire makes us do. We may constantly adjust and fix things to our liking in an effort to possess control over our lives. We might find ourselves needing things to be a certain way, a form of trying to be in control. The more out of control we feel, the stronger the urge to retain what control we have and to gain more. The anxiety builds; the fear, the unsettled feeling, the unease becomes how we live and experience life. Control, in itself, is mandatory in order for us to feel any sense of relief.


When you manage to accomplish something, do you feel better, a sense of release? Then underneath that accomplishment is the act of being in control. When you look around you and finally everything is as it should be, do you breathe easier, relax just a little, but underneath it all, do you fear it changing? Is there anxiety in the future for you? The core problem here is not the anxiety, or even the need to control things; it is why you feel the need to do so. Often we seek to control our world because inside we lack the ability to connect to ourselves and feel okay. It is the lack of inner contentment that we do not possess, that makes us want to control our outside world.


We try to make order in the world around us in a way we wish we could inside ourselves. We are trying to balance our needs, but are doing it from the wrong angle. When you find inner peace, the need to create it outside of yourself disappears. When you find yourself anxious or trying to control your environment, look inwards at what you are feeling. What thoughts arise and what feelings are there? These are clues to what you need; they are windows into why you are really feeling and acting this way. If you feel unsettled, do not seek ways to adjust your outside world in order to feel better; instead, look inward at what may be causing this feeling. You can feel better inside of yourself without changing or controlling anything around you. You can find inner contentment without being in control. When you feel okay within, whatever happens around will be okay too. When your inner self is at peace and not in need, the anxiety, the need to control, will disappear.


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